Say Less, Do Less

Author: Amy

 

As a yoga instructor, one of the things that I have struggled with is modifying in front of other people. Most of the time, I can remind myself that people aren't watching me because they are watching themselves. However, I was taking a class at a studio where I work recently, and some people did look at me for help. There is nothing wrong with that! I look at other people for help too. When I modified, though, I wondered what they thought when they looked at me. Did they think that I was modifying because I simply couldn't do what was being asked? Were they less likely to want to take my class because they saw me modify?

I suppose they could have thought those things, but moving my body at yoga (or dance, HIIT, hiking, etc.) is not about me proving myself to other people. It's simply about me moving. In a group setting, though, I am contributing to the energy in the room just like everyone else. It would be disingenuous for me to tell anyone to focus on themselves like no one else is around. Instead, I want to shift my thoughts in class to how I can positively contribute to the energy in the room while still honoring what's best for me, mind and body.

If other people see me modify a pose, they may learn a new modification that they didn't previously have in their practice but it very much aligns with what they need. Maybe the class was very difficult, but no one wanted to be the first to take a break and look like they couldn't handle the level of intensity. Regardless of the reason, I know that people do avoid modifications sometimes. So, when I modify in a class, I am giving people around me permission to modify too. This is especially true when I'm the first one to do it. 

This shift in thinking has been huge for me! I still falter, of course, and let my ego get the best of me, but I'm not aspiring to perfection in any category. I started thinking about how I could take this off of my mat. In what other aspects of my life am I performative or resisting help and rest? I decided that social media was an easy place to start. I realized that there were days that I was posting things just to be visible and not because I had anything to really tell people about. I also noticed that I would reach for my phone to capture things and think about posting them rather than just capturing them for myself or to show someone specific. I'm now going much longer without posting anything and that's feeling really nice for me right now.

There are undoubtedly so many more aspects of my life that I could say less and do less. Ultimately, I'm making these modifications in an effort to heal my relationship with what other people think of me. I'm always going to care what people think! We are pack animals, and there is a level of caring that is vital to our survival and helps us to grow. When I care so much that I get in my head and prevent myself from doing what's best for me, I know it's time to reevaluate this relationship with caring.